Tales from the dark side

March of Crimes


Photo Credit: ABC Family

Pretty Little Liars
Season 5, Episode 9 – “March of Crimes”
Original Airdate: August 5, 2014
Contains spoilers if you have not watched the episode

“You’re a little loud.” – Ali to Spencer “You’re a little crazy” – Spencer to Ali
“Even the door knob smells like her.” – Hanna
“Why were you smelling your doorknob?” – Spencer
“Make sure she doesn’t drink and dial.” – Emily
“If one of us falls, we all fall and A wins.” – Ali
“She’s also a loose cannon and you’re supplying her with gun powder.” – Spencer
“I’ve always thought you were the best thing that ever happened to her.” – Spencer
“They’re making me take Earth Sciences with a bunch of 9th graders. It’s humiliating.” – Ali
“Is there something growing in that pan?” – Spencer
“Who’s in there?” – Emily to Spencer “Jenna and Jenna.” – Spencer to Emily
“When you ask the organ grinder a question, you really don’t want to hear from the monkey.” – Spencer
“How long is it going to take before you realize you’re nervous around the wrong person? I’m not Alison.” – Jenna
“He’s just gross.” – Hanna
“When it comes to fashion, you are my guru.” – Ella
“Was he inappropriate with you? – Ella
“Do you hit on all of Aria’s friends or is it just Hanna?” – Caleb
“Is Jenna hiding in the trunk?” – Emily
“I didn’t expect to like you.” – Sydney
“It’s about to get messier. I am taking that coaching position, just so I can be in your face watching you as much as I can.” – Emily
“I wanna see you under water long enough for you to feel a twinge of panic when you need air and you can’t get it. I want you to know what it feels like to be sucker punched.” – Emily
“Whoever doesn’t realize that you make this small world seem so much bigger, that person doesn’t deserve you.” – Byron
Ali has officially transferred to the dark side as this episode picks up where the last one left off. Spencer calls her out for letting loose Noel Kahn on Ashley and lets Ali know that her actions are not sane. Spencer’s eye is getting worse from being kicked in the eye by Sea Biscuit. Hanna says her mom is still freaked out. Who wouldn’t be after a knife holding psycho was in her kitchen? Spencer asks Ali if she has been sneaking out at night to meet Noel Kahn. Ali freaks out and says that is why she called on Noel because one of her friends didn’t show up after Ali sent an SOS text (Aria) and the other one is following her (Spencer). Ali then heads outside to call her dad.

The remaining girls are full of theories. Emily thinks it was Melissa in the stable and Spencer thinks that Noel was hired to choke Ali. Hanna is more concerned that Ali has scent marked her entire room, including the doorknob. Like myself, Spencer wants to know why Hanna smelled the doorknob, but Hanna doesn’t answer. Emily gets a text from her mom and says she has to go. Hanna asks to come with her, but Emily declines. Emily leaves Spencer with instructions not to let Hanna drink and dial.

Emily is riding her bike home when she sees Noel Kahn in his car listening to a recording of Ali and Shana talking. Who does stuff like that? Emily makes a noise and he pulls off.

The next morning, Ashley comes in Hanna’s room to talk to her. She wants to meet Hanna and Ali at the mall afterschool so that can get something new to wear to the Muffin Man and Ella’s engagement party. Hanna says she is not going. Ashley sees Hanna’s flask and gives her a talking to.

It is Aria’s lucky day, as she is being questioned by Lt. Tanner. Ella is present. Tanner starts to ask questions about Ezra and Ella asks what any of this has to do with the incident at the Marin house. Tanner thinks some of the crimes may be connected. Tanner then asks Aria if Ezra had intimate relationships with other students. Aria looks like she is ready to jump out of her chair and Tanner says these are just questions. I wonder where Tanner is headed with this.

At school, Ali tells Spencer that Aria is icing them out. She tries to convince Spencer that if one of them falls, all of them do, so A wins. Just then, they see Hanna stumbling down the hallway and Ali says Hanna is the one Spencer should be following.

Emily interviews for the assistant coach position and gets it, of course. I am sure A wants her back near the pool. She sees a notebook containing locker assignments and takes a picture of Noel Kahn’s locker number and combination. She later steals his car keys from his locker.

Aria and Ella are in the hallway at school, when Noel walks by. He says “Hello.” Ella responds, but Aria just stares at him. I guess she’s saving her words for Ezra.

Spencer goes to Caleb’s cabin and asks if Toby or the Board of Health have been there recently. The place is filthy. She asks Caleb if there is something growing in the frying pan he is holding. Spencer cannot help herself and begins to tidy. Spencer tells Caleb that Hanna has had a problem since Caleb returned to town. Caleb thinks the problem is Ali. Spencer reminds Caleb that Hanna is a loose cannon and he is supplying her with gun powder, by getting drunk with her all the time. She says she always thought Caleb was the best thing that ever happened to Hanna and she hates to see them spiral out of control. There’s some food for thought that isn’t smothered in cheese.

Ali is trying to bond with Hanna by talking about the classes they are taking. Ali is humiliated to have to take a science class with 9th graders. Ali offers to walk Hanna to class, but Hanna says she does not need an escort. Ali asks if Hanna and Aria are fighting because of her. Hanna doesn’t answer, but says Ali should stay with one of the other girls. Ali wonders why their group is falling apart.

Jenna comes in the room and Hanna leaves. Ali tells Jenna she is sorry about Shana. Jenna says it must be hard returning to town knowing that someone is after her. Ali asks Jenna how she turned Shana against her and Jenna says that was Ali’s own doing. This meeting wasn’t explosive as I expected it to be. They didn’t even slap each other, but maybe Ali learned better.

Aria is sitting at a lunch table texting Ezra. She sees Hanna and leaves. Not only is Aria mean, I think she is too clingy with Ezra. She has to tell him everything that happens, like he deserves her trust.

Spencer gets her eyes dilated at the doctor’s office, in the waiting room. As her vision becomes blurry, she thinks she sees two Jennas, but it is really Sydney and Jenna. Spencer tries to take a picture, but they are gone before she can do it.

Meanwhile, Emily is stealing some pictures of Ali and a tape recorder from Noel’s car. At least, she stole his keys, instead of breaking his window. This is Emily after all. Now in the exam room, Spencer calls Emily to tell her about the two Jennas. She looks at the eye chart and A has spelled out, “Can you see me yet – A?” Creepy.

Aria comes home from running an errand, as Ella is leaving to get her hair done. She looks uncomfortable with being left alone with Zack because she knows Hanna was telling the truth. The only good thing I can say about her is that her skirt is really cute. Aria updates the guest list and tells Zack that Hanna is not coming to the party. Zack asks why and Aria gives him a look like she really does not trust him.

Emily arrives at the eye doctor and asks to see the eye chart. Spencer says it is in the room with Jenna and Jenna. Just then, Sydney and Jenna, who are dressed alike, come out the room. Emily wants to know when Sydney and Jenna became friends. I think Sydney and Jenna are related. Do friends really wear head to toe matching outfits and have the same walk? Jenna keeps answering for Sydney and Spencer says she wants answers from the organ grinder, not the monkey. Ha. Jenna tells them that they need to be nervous around Alison. Say what? What does Jenna know? They need to find out before someone tries to kill her again.

Hanna goes over to Caleb’s cabin and immediately grabs a drink. Caleb thinks it is odd that Hanna is turning down free food and a chance to dress up. He asks her about Zack and she says he is gross, which is true. She then tells him with happened with Zack and Caleb believes her. Hanna says she feels embarrassed and wants to crawl into a hole. I feel bad for her because this was not her fault. Caleb says he is going to get Hanna something to eat, but everyone knows that’s not where he is going.

Meanwhile, Ella is asking Aria fashion questions, while Aria is asking whether Ella is rushing into marriage. Ella asks if Zack was inappropriate with her and Aria says that he probably was with Hanna. Ella admits that there was an incident before they came back to the States, so he’s a roaming predator.

Caleb shows up at The Brew. He wants to know if Zack hits on all of Aria’s friends or just Hanna. The Muffin Man said it was a joke, but Caleb and Hanna do not think it was funny. The Muffin Man pulls out a note allegedly written by Hanna, and then Caleb punches him. I don’t usually condone violence, but the characters on the show always seem to ask for a punch to the face.

Hanna is watching a black and white movie when Caleb comes back to the cabin. He ices his hand and tells Hanna about the note Zack said she wrote. Caleb tells her that he knows Hanna did not write the note. It’s good to know someone automatically believed her, unlike her friends.

Spencer is on the phone with Emily, as Emily leaves her house. Spencer says she is going to the lake house to hide the evidence against Ali. Emily tries to tell her it is not a good idea, but Spencer doesn’t want to hold onto the photos and recording. Emily is heading to her car when Sydney approaches. She asks Emily if she can explain her relationship with Jenna. Sydney says she used to volunteer at the school for the visually impaired in Philly. She says she didn’t expect to like Emily. Emily explodes and tells Sydney she is taking the coaching position, so can be in Sydney’s face, keeping an eye on her. She wants to see Sydney underwater needing a breath of air, so that Sydney can know what it feels to be sucker punched. I like this stronger, feistier Emily.

Spencer arrives at the cabin and looks for a place to hide the Ali stuff and ends up locking them in a cabinet. There is an eye watching her from under a sheet that is covering a chair. This is one the creepiest moments on this show in a long time. Spencer grabs a poker and Noel Kohn comes out demanding the key to the cabinet. He wants to use the photos as insurance, in case Ali turns on him. Shana sent the photos to Jenna and he stole them just before the house was blown up. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Noel tries to take the photos from Spencer and she stabs him in the hand with the poker. She does belong to a group of street thugs. Spencer threatens to slit Noel’s pretty face open if he tries that again. Spencer says that she and her friends need insurance too and promises to put the photos in a safe place. Noel leaves, probably to save face, literally.

Hanna is pouring out the alcohol in Caleb’s cabin when Aria stops by. Aria tells her that Zack was a jerk before, to put it lightly. Hanna tells Aria that A was involved in stroking his fire, or whatever. Aria says she wanted to believe that her mom could find someone again. She asks for Hanna’s forgiveness and they hug. If she had not apologized, this character would have been ruined for me, even more than she already has.

Ashley and Ali come home from the cancelled engagement party and Ali wonders what really happened. Ashley gets a call on her cell from Lt. Tanner and says she will bring Ali to the station. Ashley hangs up and tells Ali that they caught the person that broke into the house. Ashley offers to support Ali through this.

Byron comes home. I was beginning to think Chad Lowe only existed as a director on this show. Ella is crying as she packs her belongings. She tells him that the engagement is off and Aria will tell him the details. Byron comforts Ella. Do I see reconciliation in their future?

At the police station, the person they arrested is some random guy. Not another new character! He tells the exact kidnapping story that Ali told. Ali looks terrified and Ashley asks if that is the man. Ali doesn’t answer. I don’t know what is going on. I am totally confused.

In the final scene, in the eye doctor’s office, A is listening to a recording of Ali’s kidnapping story and freaks the nurse out by wearing a hoodie and gloves indoors.

Even though I have no idea what is going on, I am excited to see which direction the show is going in. I sort of like that I cannot predict what is going to happen next.

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